At 3:24a.m. one year ago, at the final push before being whisked off to an emergency C-section, Olivia finally decided to join us (read my full birth story here). At 3:24 this morning, she woke up and just wanted to chat in bed. I listened to her quiet whispers, half-asleep, thinking it must almost be time to wake up. Finally I looked at my clock and it was 3:26. And it had been exactly a year. One year of existence for this whispering little being nuzzled up against my neck.
In the grand scheme of things one year doesn't sound like very long, and it's not. But as a new parent, one year, man, that's something. So many changes, as cliche as it sounds the only thing that's guaranteed, is more change. So many stages - last night we watched videos of her in the hospital when she was first born - how could that little wrinkly and uncoordinated little thing be the toddler we already have now? The little girl who fearlessly rushes up the stairs, mustering up all her strength to pull up each step. The little girl who gives the best hugs, somehow learning to pat the back of whoever is lucky enough to be on the receiving end of one of those gifts. The little girl who is already talking and shaking her head and pointing and, just, growing! To say I'm at a loss for words (or at least words that make sense of it all) would be an understatement.
Just as fast as she is changing, so is what's going on around her, and she has handled it with as much grace as a baby can have. From me constantly studying for Step 2 the same month she was born (see here), to having me around constantly while on maternity leave, to heading back to work, to starting with a nanny, and then with another nanny, and now to daycare, the girl has rolled with it all. She's got a lot of team in her, that's for sure.
I get so many questions from you all, about motherhood and medicine, and being a working mom. I haven't decided when or how to address it, but I'll just say a few words about it here, since I'm already rambling. Motherhood is hard. Working is hard. Medical school is hard. If you're one of those people who likes to focus on that stuff, sure, it's all hard. But I was always taught that the things in life worth having don't come easily, and I've been blessed with the craziness to want it all and the drive to work for it. I absolutely love being a mother, and I absolutely love being an almost-doctor, and despite getting home exhausted some days and having to keep going, I couldn't be more grateful that I get to serve as a role model for Liv, and in some ways for many of you too. This year has taught me an enormous amount about sacrifice, patience, powerlessness, and most of all love. I feel like the grinch who's heart grew three sizes that day - except I started off as a person much nicer than the grinch and I've had 364 more days of heart growing than him - so much love for my daughter, my husband, my career, my support (friends and family), and you all! Enough rambling for today ;)
Thank you all for following this journey and for wishing my sweet Liv a happy FIRST birthday!