blank'/> A LITTLE BIT OF LACQUER: Just a Little Rant

November 18, 2015

Just a Little Rant


I love that I somehow have become a source of inspiration for so many amazing young women - especially since after graduating from HMS and balancing a family - it motivates me to hear how I motivate you, if that makes sense at all! But a reader recently pointed out a forum online (forums are usually the source of all things negative on the internet lol) where women (some of whom claim to know me? But obviously are not women who know me) were bashing me for "hiding" my true relationship story with N and trying to make the start of it look "perfect," and for some reason I feel like I should say something about it.

I usually don't address things like that on here because quite honestly it's nobodies business and I share what I choose to share. But I also love sharing when it could potentially help someone else, so for that I'll only slightly address it lol. Because at the end of the day I get the question all of the time - how are you so happy, how do you keep a healthy relationship, how do you find motivation - and the root answer to most of those questions is (in as nice a way as possible to say it lol), I don't care what other people think (for the most part, but let's be real we all care a little bit) and I don't focus on the past. And I'm hoping that I can convince you all to care a little less and not focus on your past as well.

So for those of you who likely don't know since you arrived at my blog well after all of this, or those who think they do know, yes I had a boyfriend through the first 2 years of medical school who was not N, and yes we happened to be high school classmates, but we only started dating at the beginning of medical school (to address the people who claimed we were "high school sweet hearts"). I actually had a different boyfriend in high school and college, that horrible abusive relationship I alluded to in a previous post. Yes I deleted the blog posts that included that boyfriend, the same way most people delete pictures of their ex from their Facebook profile pictures or anything else. And yes I deleted posts that initially addressed any of that when it first happened, not to make my story look more perfect, but because I was applying to residency and anything too personal got taken off the blog because people who were going to be deciding the outcome of my future career could see it. In the deleted post where I had shared briefly about our story, these "women" couldn't believe that N and I were actually best friends throughout medical school, because I had never posted about him before. I don't know about you guys, but in my previous relationship, my boyfriend at the time would not have been happy about me posting pictures of another guy - I think that's common sense. I think it's also common sense that I don't share every person in my life or all of the events in my life just because I have a blog and choose to share some things. They also couldn't believe that Liv was actually "planned." And I scratched my head, where have I ever said that Liv was 100% planned? As much as conceiving her wasn't an accident, she certainly was a surprise. N and I made the choice to stop using birth control in hopes that we'd eventually get pregnant, but eventually being like a year or two. I had been on birth control since high school and honestly didn't even know if I could get pregnant, so we figured we'd give it some time and eventually it would happen by residency. To our surprise we got pregnant the first month off of birth control! Which ended up being perfect timing, because we made it perfect timing. There's more I could address (like whether or not we're actually black, wtf?), but I honestly just don't think it's worth it.

I share all these super personal things again not because I feel like I need to explain anything (those who were writing negatively about me had already "sworn off" my blog because I was now being "fake" anyway lol), but because I think sharing some of the drama and imperfections is what should be inspiring about our story (and what usually gets left out, not in an effort to make it look perfect, but in a very purposeful attempt to only focus on the positive). Life isn't perfect, things don't go as planned, people are gonna talk crap behind your back or on internet forums, and that's perfectly fine. As I always like to say, life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react. I am happy because I fight to be happy. I am where I am because I left people behind who I didn't need, who held me back, and instead chose to surround myself only with a small circle that truly cares and is moving forward with me. And I really hope that you as young women can learn to do the same. It's a shame that many women do such a horrible job of respecting other women's relationship decisions (or life decisions in general for that matter). No woman should fear leaving a relationship that they know isn't right for them because what another person may think, especially other women.

And if folks wanna pop off (please watch this if you haven't seen it yet haha) let them find a plan for your life. Because I can guarantee you they won't. So do what's right for you and keep it moving!

50 comments:

  1. Hi Laura! I am a 25 year old Canadian gal who works in advertising (about as far from the medical field as you can get lol) and I find your blog to be extremely relatable, fun and real. You come across as someone who takes the good with the bad, but chooses to focus on the former. I wholeheartedly admire your positivity :) Cheers from afar!

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  2. You are such an inspiration to women who don't have or didn't witness healthy relationships or see a great family dynamic! Your life gives hope to those who don't think it's possible to have a great career, be independent, have a husband, and raise beautiful children. You are doing a great job! Thanks for sharing your story and life with us.

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  4. Well said. I like how you made a point to focus on the positive. People are really too much sometimes. I'm a brand new reader of your blog and I decided to follow because I like your style and I also think its great that you are intelligent and focused on your career.

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  5. UnknownNovember 18, 2015 at 4:22 PM
    Hahah love this post! People are going to try and bash you down in any way they can. And I love your response to it all! Made me chuckle quite a lot and very inspiring. Love your blog. Please keep doing more and let them be "sworn off" your blog - missing out on fun material ;) xxx

    Lots of love, Yalz / FourGirlsFourWorlds

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  6. Don't let the haters hate! Luv, from one doctor mommy to another!

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  7. Wow. You are amazing & definitely this post is definitely making me think about things & people I need & don't need in my life as we approach 20-6.

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  8. Have you watched that IG video of the man giving inspiration for our haters?? Well from him to me and me to you "Girl YOU GOT IT!" lol seriously! You and I have so many similarities: age (27), young mothers and wives, dealing with a Terrific(Terrible) 2 :) (I have a son) and young, professional, women of color doing the damn thing! I just started following but I love seeing the parity and knowing there are other women out there too trying to just make a difference in this world. I also admire you because I was pre-med in undergrad but orgo 2 kicked my butt to the point of no return, so I ran for the hills hahaha! So you I loveeeeee seeing your posts about balancing life as a doctor. Just wanted to say I see you and I'm loving it! Follow back if you want! @aristaples on IG..Keep up the good work..the world is watching!

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  9. I think you are imperfectly perfect and that's ok ! Love you!

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  10. Love your blog! Girl people are a mess. You keep living your life and shining, they're just unhappy with their own lives. God bless!

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  11. I love, love, love your blog/Instagram! I found it thanks to Fran and have shared your page with my friends (we are 2nd year medical students). We love to read your posts and they are inspiring to read, especially when medical school feels never-ending, exhausting, etc... It saddens me that people can be negative or question your happiness, perhaps that stems from jealousy? Who knows. But regardless, you seem like an amazing person/mom/wife/doctor and that's what counts!

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  12. Hey Laura! I've been following your blog for over 2 years now and I've enjoyed it every step of the way! I aspire to become a doctor one day and the path there has been a bumpy one but I always refer to your blog when I need that extra boost of inspiration. I feel uplifted whenever I see you juggle medicine and family life because it let's me know that it's possible (although we all know it's not always easy)! Those people are just haters- keep being the role model that you are!

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  13. Loved this post! I'm surprised that there are women on the internet hating on the blessed life that you have, but maybe I shouldn't be. Speaking frankly, there's a good chance that these women see you at a young age with a wonderful (and ATTRACTIVE :) husband, beautiful daughter, amazing education and career and they feel inadequate and inferior. You addressed those women with class and maturity, I really commend you for your response. Just know that you're an inspiration to many of us, especially us young black girls making our way through medical school. Looking forward to seeing what you share with us in the future and I hope you have a healthy and happy last few weeks of pregnancy! xo

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  14. Tell them again. I'm so glad you addressed this. I had no idea that this was going on, but I know that your post encouraged others, and definitely encouraged me. I follow you on Instagram, and I'm in love with your story and family. Forever routing for you. xx
    Seerlee,
    www.chroniclesoftheseers.com

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  15. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. What you share with your readers is your business and choice. Anything else is no one else's business! You have a great little family, and I personally look up to you as a Ned student in the making. xx

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  16. GIRL. Please do not bother addressing them. Anyone who believes things they read on FORUMS especially when it's none of their business need to CHILL. We're all just trying to be happy and put our best foot forward so stahppp. Love your blog and you are super inspiring! Work itttt xxx

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  17. Thank you for continuing to encourage others, Laura. Many times, you've said that the things you post are nice memories for you to look back on in the future. You should never have to post or address (nor should anyone want to see) the 'negative' aspects of your relationship. Those people who take time off their own lives to join forums to speak negatively about you are toxic and honestly just, CREEPY. You have a wonderful family and an even greater outlook on life. Continue to inspire others and share your stories in whichever way you see fit! Many blessings and positive vibes to you and your family<3

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  18. I really appreciate everything that you have shared and continue to share! It's so easy to get bogged down in negative situations or circumstances, but joy is a choice and your blog/instagram are so lovely and so clearly reflect that!! I hope that you aren't too discouraged by the haters because when voices speaking truth and beauty stop doing so, the world gets a little darker. Thank you for all of your inspiration!

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  19. DUDE! You really shouldn't explain yourself to haters, or even to followers who love you. Don't read those forums! What kind of need do you have for self inflicting pain? And then these kinds of posts only make those who are out of the loop go search on gomi or the likes to read the trash first hand.

    You do you, ignore the rest! but really though....Don't read those forums! X.O.

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  20. You didn't even have to write this post, anyone who truly follows you can sense your genuine spirit and appreciates what you do by sharing your story with us. you continue to be an inspiration for those of us who follow your blog because of your positive attitude, your accomplishments and adorable pictures of Liv. i could never share personal details about myself the way you do because of possible scrutiny and criticism but you are too brave, strong and intelligent to respond to people who are clearly being guided by the green eyed monster.

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  21. Laura, I recently came across your blog when looking for advice about applying to medical school. I found myself returning often because of how encouraging your advice was in comparison to many of the forums out there. We can all agree life has its challenges and it is easy to get bogged down. But your focus on the joy in life is what draws me to your page again and again. I completely agree with you that happiness is a choice. Your blog is focused around inspiration and sweet moments in your life. This in turn has inspired me to look for those special moments in my life in spite of all the craziness in my applications and medicine. Know the documentation of your focus to live a balanced, happy life has changed my perspective as I enter medical school. Thank you for your transparency and encouragement.

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  22. You tell them, Laura. Best wishes and good health to you, N, Liv, your little one, and the rest of your family

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  23. I just started reading your blog...like just started as in a week ago. It's crazy to me that you even have to worry about explaining yourself. People are nuts and apparently have way too much time on their hands.

    You seem amazing...you go girl!

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  24. Hey Laura! Kudos to you for speaking your truth and saying something! I LOVE your Blog and Love the work that you are doing! You are amazing!! :)

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  25. I've followed your blog for a few years and I wish you and your family lots of happiness and success. It's funny how people that don't know you personally question you on your life and how you live. Keep posting and keep encouraging somebody is always inspired.

    Nikki

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  26. It makes me so sad that people say such things and make you feel the need to explain yourself. Your life is your life and THANK YOU for the bits you share...because your posts are a constant source of joy and inspiration. THANK YOU for only sharing the drama when it's for the purpose of edification...because the internet has SO MUCH DRAMA and your blog feels like a safe haven. THANK YOU for sharing the JOY and LOVE of your family and life! (And especially the sweet photos of Liv...she's the cutest and always makes me smile! ☺) Reading your blog made me believe, for the very first time, a career in medicine AND balanced personal life IS possible and has encouraged me to continue perusing medicine. So from someone looking up to you, thank you! You are a beautiful woman, mother and doctor...keep shining bright!

    xoxo

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  27. Totally off topic, but on it a little, my fiance and I are getting married November 18th, 2016. We are considering going off birth control three months before the wedding, I guess I just want my body to adjust off of it. We are hoping that I get pregnant a few months after the wedding. After this, guess I'll just get off birth control after the wedding LOL

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    1. I'm just reading through some of these comments and I just wanted to tell you, it's a common myth that it takes months to get birth control out of your system. It very well could take you some time to get pregnant but you absolutely could get pregnant right after coming off of it. You can get pregnant if you miss one day. My advice would be to download an app where you can track your ovulation. That way if you want to come off before the wedding, you will know which days are your fertile days and you can plan around them. Just thought I would make that suggestion. Plus the app is wonderful when you are actually trying! I got pregnant before my wedding taking an antibiotic for Strep Throat. Who knew? Good Luck and Congrats on your engagement!

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  28. Haters are haters and are always going to be unhappy little trolls no matter if you farted rainbows and fed every starving child on the face of the planet! Do you girl! Your doing it well :)

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  29. I've read and followed your blog for awhile and I remember before N and the wonderfully relatable post you wrote to address the situation when you and your prior boyfriend parted ways. As with all of your posts, it was beautiful and well done. You are an inspiration in how you handle yourself in the crazy blog world and have such elegance. Continue to be an inspiration to everyone. And don't let hateful people burnish your light. As Common said "some people cannot handle the light."

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  30. Hi Laura, I just wanted to say your blog is fantastic. I also don't normally comment on blogs but I couldn't resist this time. Your blog is so unique and you put out positive energy into the world with each and every one of your posts. I am currently applying to dental school and I have found out that I am pregnant. It is so scary to think this will be my reality but your blog has inspired me to make both my personal and professional dreams a
    reality. Thank you for all that you do!

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  31. I'm a 21 year old student applying to med school and I look up to you so much. It's crazy that women can knock each other down. I'm sure it's due to jealously or dissatisfaction with their own lives because I don't know why else someone would say negative things about you! You are inspiring so many women, mothers, people in general. I really hope you know that.

    Anyways...as a fellow woman in color in medicine, I would really, really love it if you could do a post about diversity in medicine (especially in Ivy Leagues). As an applicant now, I'm applying to schools like Harvard and sometimes thinking of my extremely privileged counterparts (white or not) just gets me so down. I feel like some of the people I'm competing with and will be sharing classrooms with are so out of touch with real life issues and yet chose such a humanistic career. Thank you so much Laura <3

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  32. Hello Laura, This was exactly what I needed to hear. You are such an inspiration not only because of your goals, your family, and your accomplishments but you're real and you speak it how it should be spoken. I've been dealing with what I would call bullies and others would call haters for a while now. Mainly based off of my race, being humble, having goals, being focused (and sometimes lost : /) and being young and married. My whole life I've cared about what people think of me. Especially how they see me and my husband. We're both in the army, it was unexpected, we fell in love, we dated, we got married. Not a story you hear to often in the Civilian life. but it was right for us and it was what we wanted and it has been a wonderful blessing. I loved how you said "you don't care what other people think and don't focus on the past. and not focus on your past as well" This made me think about how long I've been so focused on others peoples opinions then my own happiness. Because lets face it I'm extremely young( my past was not too long ago sadly) , I may be a little naive. But I'm smart and I work hard and I cherish everything god has blessed me with. Thank you for being such an inspiration as well as a person who lives their life just like the rest of us. I hope to one day see myself as successful as you are when I am done with medical school. thank you and god bless your beautiful family and your career. (btw sorry this is soo long of a comment)

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  33. Laura, I've been reading your blogs even before the 'N and Liv' days and I must say that you have been consistent in the way that you present yourself. You're an inspiration to so many people, including myself, and I love that you take everything into stride; the good and the bad. I love that you do life on your own terms, it's a privilege that other people in the world don't necessarily get, and I think you're doing just fine. hugs and love from Canada!

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  34. Honey- Ignore them! Some people can make a summer breeze a curse! They are jealous of your happiness and want to stir some misery. Regardless of anything, you and N and Liv and Baby are happy, healthy and blessed. You graduated from HARVARD! You made it out of the ghettos and social limits placed on is Latina and Black girls. And yes, as someone who is also Latina and Black I get this stupid argument about Blackness as well. it is stupid. You're fabulous, and they know it. That's why they are trying to bring up your past, because your future is so bright. If they want to keep bringing up the past, good- leave them in it. ^_^ You're awesome!

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  35. Your family is beautiful. It's too easy to judge relationships by the little glimpses we see. Keep doing your thing and don't feed the trolls.

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  36. Hi! I've been reading you blog for a couple months, but never comment. Just gotta say that I LOVE it, etc. Also, it's refreshing finding a Latina blogger (I come from a Peruvian family). There aren't enough! Not sure if you're talking about GOMI...? They like to analyze, judge others, and then type it all out. I don't understand how anyone has that kind of time! :p

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  37. Good day everybody am here to share my life testimony to you all and to those time of life you think everything has end no, there is always a way out, my life is an example of that, my name is Cacilia am from USA but i work here in UK and i have been in a relationship for 4years now i sacrifice my life my money to make sure it work out and to have a happy family with my boyfriend a time comes when my boyfriend lost his job i stand to make sure he never lack anything and i fight for him to get a new job and have our wedding planed few weeks ago my boyfriend got a good job and i was so happy for him and we where happy together again last week i was at the eatery when i say my boyfriend with a girl eating and having fun i thought it was a friend or something when i got home i ask my boyfriend who was that girl you where with at the eatery today he said she is a friend at work i said ok little did i know that she is a girl that want to rip where she did not soar i try to talk it over with my boyfriend but he refuse and told me he want to end our relationship that he have a new girl in his life now, i could not get myself i thought it was a joke he left me in the house for days i try calling him but refuse to pick my call and send me a text and told me is over i cried and cried a man i labored for now is time for me to have a peace of mind a go-digger want to take what belongs to me i report him to his friends and he still don't want to let go i was diver-stated and confuse so i was looking for advise in the internet when i saw a testimony of a woman dr wakina help i say to my self i want to be happy again like this woman i give it a try and contact him on his website and told him my problem and he assure me that everything we be fine again and i believe him after 3days my boyfriend came home and kneel down and beg me to forgive him i was so surprise right now we are back together and happy and even fix a date for our wedding i thank you Dr wakina for making me a happy woman again contact him today and you we also share a good story like me his email address is wakinaspellhome@yahoo.com or his website http://drwakinaspellhome.webs.com also call him on his mobile number +2348168232724 and you we testify like me.

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  38. It's sad how some people are so pathetic and unfulfilled with their lives, they're willing to take the time out from whatever pathetic excuse for a life they do have, and instead of using it to better themselves, take it out on others. Especially people like you and your beautiful family. Laura, you have been nothing but an absolute inspiration to MANY of your loyal and devoted readers. You've given young, optimistic women the hope that YES they can succeed no matter what life throws at them. Don't mind the bitterness, all they want is attention so they can further justify lives. Shame on them.
    As a reader of your blog almost 3 yrs now, I admit that yes I noticed that you changed and deleted things, it was clear that this blog was a chronicle of your journey and the parts that you wanted to share with us. You are entitled to share whatever and however much of your life you want with us. That's yours to share and NOT for your readers to speculate, for that is none of our business. We come here for your advice and some heart-warming snippets of your journey. And I think we should ALL keep in mind that reading Laura's blog and what she chooses to share with us is an honor and a PRIVILEGE. Laura doesn't OWE us anything, she doesn't owe us an explanation for what she chooses or chooses not to share with us. We should simply be grateful that there is someone out there who is kind enough to share her success story with us. Because she knows where we're coming from and she wants others to do well too. Thank You Laura, and please know that for ever 2 negative ungrateful readers, there are at least 2,000 grateful ones :)

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  39. Some people are just haters, i mean really. Anyway I love your family and have been following your blog for a while now. You do inspire and even though I'm not in the medical field, I learn so much.
    Love from South Africa :)

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  40. Lol, I loved the "if folks want to pop off". People love to hate on those who have a lot going for themselves unfortunately. Anywho always focus on the positive like having a beautiful family and a AMAZING job! Love love love you and your great blog <3

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  41. Finally made the trek over from IG to your blog. You're as real as they come girl! Love your perspective! I say the same thing ("I don't care...") but in a not-so-print-friendly kinda way. Haha

    PS Cheers to being done with the worst part of intern year! Glamorous Derm life awaits!!

    - bbmedina

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  42. Usually the ones who have a say about your life, have nothing going on in theirs. My question for those people are; What's good ? What do you have going on in your life ? Most likely nothing and that's FACTS !!!! Keep it moving.

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  43. Some people have wayyy to much time on their hands ... smh

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  44. Some people have wayyy to much time on their hands ... smh

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  45. TESTIMONY ON HOW I BECAME PREGNANT

    My Name is Jessica Shannon Shirley marie i live in California,i have a big testimony to say to the people who have Womb problem, I have been married for five years without any child, nor pregnancy and so i became very sad and lost hope in life because my doctor told me there is no way for me to get pregnant and this really make life so hard for me and this made my husband to turn away from me. My sister in-law told me about Dr Odenore from the Internet,how he has helped people with this similar problem that i am going through so i contacted him and explained to him. He told me not to worry and that everything we soon be okay. He cast a spell and it was a miracle to my greatest surprise three days later my husband came back to apologize for all he has done and told me he is fully ready to support me in any thing i want,and Dr Odenore he gave me just soup from his temple and he also gave my husband some thing to rub before we made love.just few months later i got pregnant and gave birth to twins (boy and girl) we are now a happy family. i will advice you to email him now: odenoretemple@gmail.com I am so happy!! if you also need help to get pregnant or need your ex back please contact him for help via email: odenoretemple@gmail.com if you are out there passing through any of this problems or predicaments in your life.


    (1) If you want your ex back.
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    Contact him today for your help and you will be happy for ever. REPLY (email : odenoretemple@gmail.com

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  46. Hola! Gracias por este post. Estoy pasando algo parecido pero con parientes quienes tienen sus opiniones y se esconden detras del Internet en vez de decirmelo. Tus palabras sirven como recordatorio bueno de aunque yo no siempre pueda controlar lo negativo que me rodea SÍ puedo controlar lo tanto que lo dejo afectarme y mi felicidad. I so enjoy reading your blog. Keep doing you!

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  47. I have just started following you on Instagram and I think you are amazing and an inspiration. Stay blessed.
    Fitness Model at Workout Music Motivation videos.

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  48. I want to say a very big thanks to Almighty God for his good deed,i got my tube tied after my first issue,because of the challenges i was really confronted with,i have being desperately to conceive for five years now in which medical and all other means were to avail,till this days when God give his directives to an Africa man called Dr Ologbo an herbalist,through internet baby center. for God says i will direct your part, he had for me with two months pregnancy with myself convintion and doctor confirmation i must shout a big thanks giving shout out for God word is real and Dr Ologbo as well for fulfilling God earthly promises, he is a man to recon with a man with fear of GOD email him or call him for help for any stander out there facing such challenge his via email Ologbotemple@gmail.com OR call +23473887808

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  49. I want to say a very big thanks to Almighty God for his good deed,i got my tube tied after my first issue,because of the challenges i was really confronted with,i have being desperately to conceive for five years now in which medical and all other means were to avail,till this days when God give his directives to an Africa man called Dr Ologbo an herbalist,through internet baby center. for God says i will direct your part, he had for me with two months pregnancy with myself convintion and doctor confirmation i must shout a big thanks giving shout out for God word is real and Dr Ologbo as well for fulfilling God earthly promises, he is a man to recon with a man with fear of GOD email him or call him for help for any stander out there facing such challenge his via email Ologbotemple@gmail.com OR call +23473887808

    ReplyDelete

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