Holy cow guys, eight days until our wedding! Insanity! Today I'm posting another entry in my Sakura Bloom Sling Diary, this month's topic is surprise. Check out previous entries here!
I hope you will love surprises. I think you will, you already light up in the most adorable way when I pop my head from around the corner, or when daddy throws you up into the air. Growing up surprises were my favorite - an unexpected stop at the ice cream shop on the way home from Abuela’s house, a free eraser from the school store, a slice of cheese from the deli while grocery shopping (as you can see, mommy was a pretty simple kid).
Somewhere along the way, though, my idea of what surprises were changed quite a bit. The murders of multiple family members, or the stroke in Abuela that took all of her memories of me, or a beloved teacher almost shamefully telling me she had cancer. At some point in life surprises stopped being about free food and extra sprinkles and rays of sunshine that I didn’t expect; at some point surprises were horrible things I could never have imagined or ever have prepared for. I hated surprises, they scared me with how quickly they could change everything, how swiftly they could make the life I knew a distant memory.
I wish I could tell you when, or how, I decided to not live in fear of those kinds of surprises. The truth is I really don’t know when I put it together, but at some point I realized although I could never anticipate those tragic surprises, what I could do is never ever ever take any of it for granted. I’d try my hardest to not complain about the little things, or ever go to sleep angry at someone I love, or not take the chance to dance when music was playing. I’d love as deeply as I could and find the beauty wherever it was hidden and God forbid anything else get taken from me by surprise, well I’d at least have the best memories to look back fondly on.
And although mommy still gets hit now and then with scary surprises and there are undoubtedly more to face, they haven’t been as difficult to cope with, and a lot more beautiful things have come by surprise instead. Getting accepted to Harvard to become a doctor, falling in love with your silly daddy, seeing your heartbeat for the first time, all surprises I would live over and over again if I could. The first time you rolled over, the first time you crawled, the first steps you took, the way you said “mum!” for the first time - it all blew me away. I can’t wait for all the amazing surprises we’ve got in store watching you grow up, beautiful girl.
I’ll end by saying this - the thing about surprises is that they’re unexpected. We can’t plan for them. Attempting to plan for the bad ones is no way to live, and planning for the good ones only leads to disappointment. Just love as hard as you can and trust the timing of your life.